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A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Excuse me. May I help you with something?"
The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."
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A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped into the kitchen to eat lunch, only to realize he'd lost his bag.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
"No sense pulling up the entire floor just for lunch," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the bump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his lunch bag. "I found this in the hallway."
"Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet."
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Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher stopped working. Because she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Please fix the dish washer and leave the bill on the counter. I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"
Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was ready to leave, the repairman couldn't resist saying, "You annoying bird, just be quiet!!!"
The bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
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Jokes are updated weekly.
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